The Cleft Below the Cleavage is the New Refrigerator Repairman Crack

I'd Love to Get My Paws on That Hemline!

     In 2000, Jennifer Lopez wore (barely) the Green Versace Jungle Dress, which was basically a shimmering, diaphanous bathrobe.  Most memorable about the dress was its cut – right below the navel.  Because of this, about 40% of her breasts were visible and they had to be taped to the dress so that they wouldn’t be completely revealed.  It was a fashion statement all right and, to be ruthlessly honest, it made Lopez’s career.  She could be disingenuous and say that it was just a nice
dress and what was all the fuss, but she knew it was going to be electrifying.  She’s never been out of the public’s consciousness, for good or ill, since.  The reason it worked was that her breasts were astonishing and real.

     Skip forward a dozen years and the semi-bared cleavage ‘down almost all the way to Albuquerque’ (as a former student of mine said) is everywhere on TV.  By semi-bared, I mean that you can see to 5:30 p.m. on the left side and 7:30 p.m. on the right side, so actually below the breast. I realize that  

Christina Aguilera on The Voice

Christina Aguilera wants to show off her newly acquired assets because she’s both proud of them and she could afford such expensive investments.  The problem is that they sit on her like garden gnomes.  Her face looks like a puffy cloud about to rain on her investments or the contestants on The Voice.  

Dancer Kym Johnson

Kym Johnson on Dancing with the Stars is a lovely dancer and always upbeat, but I couldn’t believe how far down her flying buttresses dip.  They looked like they were going to have a chat with her navel or her hips.   Really, this trend is worse than the bare jelly bellies that adolescent females displayed from around 2001 – 2004.  It’s almost on the level of the refrigerator repairman’s crack.  Why oh why can’t designers just suggest the curve of a woman’s portico, rather than showing the balustrade and the basement?